“Imitation” Workshop

The story is about a young girl in her late teens who meets an older, male painter named Andrew Collins in a park. At first it seems that the man is trying to pimp her, but later it is revealed that he simply wishes her to model for him. Andrew’s character is very aloof and mysterious, and something is not quite right with him. He appears to be rich, as he has an expensive car and gives the girl a lot of cash for an afternoon of modeling, yet his house has little furniture.

I liked how the story starts off with the uncomfortable scene of a girl getting picked up by an older man in the park. There are a lot of suggestions of false play, like the sparse furniture and red robe meticulously placed on the bathroom sink. Yet at the moment of crisis, it turns out that Andrew only wants to paint her. This is an unexpected but believable twist.

However, I find that I want to know more about Andrew. I have a hard time of grasping what he is other than an artist. Clearly, he has some mysterious past that he has “a dislike of talking about,” but I feel that there are not enough hints for the reader to guess at it with certainty. I am doubtful that the house he took her to was actually his own, as you said, “There were no signs of Mister Collins or his personal affects in the bathroom.” This, coupled with the money, makes me think that Mister Collins is a criminal of some sort, but I’m not sure what kind. I also want to know what object he was looking at that was “beyond her sight.” Perhaps this could serve as a clue?

I feel that, if you insert more clues throughout the piece, that the final paragraph of exposition may not be necessary. I know that Mr. Collins is supposed to be a mystery, but I think you can still achieve this effect by keeping the girl in the dark about his identity while finding some way of letting the reader know. I’m also curious of what would have happened if she went back. Would he have hurt her that time? Or just paint her again?

One final thing: I’ve done some drawing from live models, and models can only hold a single pose for about thirty minutes, maybe a little more. I think it would still be believable for the girl to stay there all afternoon, but most likely he would have done either multiple sketches or they would have taken breaks. I also don’t think he would’ve been able to do a full, life-like painting in an afternoon. Perhaps the painting would be half-finished, and something could happen when she returns and he completes the painting.

Overall, I found the piece intriguing, but I’d like to know more about the characters.