The story is about a young painter who lost his dominant
hand in a car accident. He is trying to teach himself how to use his left hand
to paint but is unsuccessful. When he realizes he can’t duplicate the last
painting he did before he lost his hand, he becomes so distraught that he
decides to kill himself.
Overall,
this is a tight story, especially for a first draft. Your descriptions of the
paintings, are strong and deliberate, and I was able to picture them in my
mind. I particularly like how you use the second painting to portray his
feelings, such as the likening of the red scarf to a “blotchy noose.” However,
I got a little lost on page three while he is painting the replica. At first he
seems happy with his work: “When he finished, he closed his eyes and stepped
back, a grin splitting his lips. He succeeded, he knew he did.” Yet, in the
next paragraph, all that joy vanishes. I think the confusion comes in with
phrases like “he stood before his portrait, ready to take in the replica” and
“his heart pounded until it threatened to rip out of him if he did not look
upon his painting.” These lines seem to suggest that he is painting with his
eyes closed, and he wouldn’t be able to do that. Therefore, I’m not sure where
the initial happiness comes from. He would know after the first few strokes
that the painting isn’t perfect, so the happiness seems out of place.
Finally, I
also loved your concept of “life imitating art.” I like how you manage to flip
an old idea so successfully and use it to make the end so chilling. Great job!
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