The story is about a young boy who wakes in the middle of
the night because his Dream disturbed him. The tale then becomes very
metaphorical as the boy physically takes the dream out of his head and persists
to air it out and make it more interesting by decorating it with odd objects.
At the end he proves to the Grownups that imagination and uniqueness is much
better than being uptight and uniform.
I absolutely loved the English
style of storytelling, which you executed very well, and the J. K. Rowling-like
wit that makes humdrum, everyday objects come to life. It took me a minute to
realize that this is what you were doing, and I did a double take when the dust
bunnies came out of his ear and “immediately began to nip at his shoulders and
bite the tips of his fingers.” But I understood by the time I reached the
second page, and I laughed all the way to the end.
One of the only things I would
suggest to make the story better would be to establish the metaphorical theme a
bit faster. Aside from the Dream, you don’t mention the first inanimate object
coming to life until the bottom of the first page. This is what establishes the
boy’s innocence, and I don’t truly grasp that until the second page. The
descriptions of the Dream such as its “thumping painfully against his brain as
a prisoner begging to be let out” and “glimpses of shadows as they wisped
around him” gave me a sense of foreboding. I think it would be a simple fix,
really just changing a few words so that the reader knows immediately that this
is going to be a light-hearted story.
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