"Promise" Workshop

The story is about a woman who experiences panic attacks.  The story alternates between the present when she is attending her old music teacher’s recital and her struggle with the Fear in the past. At the end, her panic attack makes her unable to sit through the performance.

            I think you have a good first draft—I felt a lot of empathy for the character (and because of this I wish she had a name) and was sad for her when she had to run out of the theater. Aside from a few minor errors, the draft is clean and easy to follow. However, as it is now, I don’t feel like any change happens between the beginning and the end. While she is sitting in the audience trying to fight off her panic, I expected there to be some sort of revelation that either explains the source of her fear or hints towards its source, even if she doesn’t understand it herself. Music is a big part her life, so I wonder if her relationship music could be used to reveal something. After all, music made her Fear disappear once, and I’m curious why it fails later in life.

            Also, I wonder if a third person voice as opposed to a second person voice would be better for this piece. While the second person forces the character’s emotions onto the reader, I feel like it restricts the narrative to the character’s feelings. I want to know what else is going on around her, things that she might miss in the midst of her terrors. Right now, the story reads as a portrait of her, and she has promise as a character, but I think some more interaction and description of the world around her will help develop her further.

            You’re off to a good start! Keep it up!