"Short Stack's Crossing" Workshop

 The story is about a nine-year-old girl named Jessica crossing over from life into heaven. Her grandfather comes to meet her at the train station and walks her to heaven’s gates, all the while talking about old times. At first it is unclear that Jessica has died—it just seems that she has gone on a trip to the country to spend time with her grandparents, although it is apparent that something is wrong from the beginning. Only at the end does it become completely clear that she has died young.

            I found the story sad and touching, which I really liked. I also liked how you waited until the last page to reveal that Jessica is dead. However, I wanted to know more about Jessica’s fight with the cancer. That’s the main source of conflict, and it’s not revealed until almost the last page. Is there a way you could weave more of this into the conversation Jessica and her grandfather have? For instance, I knew she is sick when she says in regards to her intelligence, “Don’t suppose it makes much of a difference now, though.” Perhaps you could make it so the reader knows she’s been sick, but not that she has died.

            On another note, when I read the story a second time, I recognized the symbolic use of the train in the beginning. I’ve seen this motif used before and was wondering if there was another form of transportation or introduction you could use. Perhaps you could even start the story later, with the moment she lays eyes on her grandfather.

            Overall, I think you have some good ideas. I also like how Jessica worries about how she’s going to get along with people in heaven. This is such an innocent notion that really denotes her age, and I’d like to see some more of it—really push the question of how a nine-year-old faces her untimely death. How would the story sound written in the first person?