The story is about a father named Virge who is looking for
his missing son, Jason. Virge thinks that Jason is hiding in a batture behind a
levee, where many young people have gone to withdraw from the rest of society.
For a time, a girl named Cassie leads him to believe that Jason is there, but
the young man she brings to Virge turns out to be the wrong Jason. Virge
returns to his car depressed, but at the end, convinces himself that Cassie and
the others have tricked him.
I really
liked your description of Virge’s worry for his son. His anxiety really comes
through, especially in the beginning and end, making his a sympathetic
character. However, I felt that the story loses a bit of its momentum when
Virge sits and talks with Cassie. I think he would be more agitated and less
likely to smile at her. I like the comments he makes about the young people’s
way of living, though I think they should come off more scornful. If he truly
thinks his son has joined this commune, then he would be very resentful towards
them.
Also, I was
unsure what to make of the ending. Does Virge suddenly remember seeing
something that explicitly reminds him of Jason and therefore realizes that he
truly has been duped? Or does he just convince himself that Jason is in the
commune because it’s easier than accepting that he may be dead? Right now, I
think either interpretation could be considered, so the story should more
clearly point towards one or the other.
Overall,
this is a good, clean draft. Good job!
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