The story is about two friends, Dave and Eli, who decide to
explore an abandoned train depot one afternoon. They vandalize it a bit, and
then an old man tells them to leave. Dave takes a crowbar and beats the old man
senseless. He goes back to vandalizing the depot but suddenly has an asthma
attack from the dust and begs Eli to go get his inhaler. Eli has the inhaler in
his pocket, but decides not to give it to him. He walks back to the car with a
strange sense that he has visited the depot a long time ago, though he never
has been there before.
I liked the
details you included in the description of the train depot, such as the mural
of the whale and the photograph. I wish these images had come back later in the
story and been given more significance, like at the end where Eli has a strange
sense of déjà vu. Also, I would like a little more detail about the town and
its history. Did any major event happen at the depot long ago? Why are the boys
so interested in visiting it? Why was the depot abandoned and why is the town
deserted?
Also, Dave’s
violent assault on the old man troubled me. Why does he react so violently? The
man simply tells Dave to leave, and beating him with a crowbar seems too
extreme when the old man poses no real threat to Dave. Perhaps if Dave is
seriously drunk or high, then his actions might seem more plausible, but this
is still a very violent scene that does not seem to help the story progress.
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