The story is about a woman named Joan who is a kleptomaniac.
The narrative slips between the past and the present, both explaining how
Joan’s kleptomania started and detailing a typical day in her life of stealing.
After she finishes stealing from a store, she goes back to her car to meet her
partner in crime, Seth, who is pretending to lie dead beneath her car. Seth is
a compulsive liar, and for reasons that aren’t quite clear, this makes him a
valuable partner. Despite this, after she drops him off at his house, it is
implied that she plans to steal from him.
I think you
have two interesting characters in Joan and Seth; however, I am uncertain of
their relationship. As Seth states, they’re “partners in crime,” but I’m not
sure why. How does Seth’s compulsive lying help her to steal? Also, is there a romance
between the two of them? The line “He takes her right hand in his and smiles at
her” suggests that there might be something deeper between them. Perhaps,
instead of him playing dead underneath the car, you can have a scene in which
his lying distracts someone while she steals something. That way, the reader
can see them in action.
I also
found the receipts a bit confusing. I didn’t see any connection between them
and what Joan steals. Perhaps, if you want to keep the receipts, Joan should
steal what’s on the receipt. That way, there’s a connection between the receipts
and the rest of the story. Or perhaps she gets a receipt and challenges herself
to steal the items off of the person who bought them. This would strengthen the
ending when she’s looking at Seth’s receipt.
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