The story is about two little girls who often play on the
neighborhood playground together. E lives with her grandparents and is
subjected to many rules she dislikes such as bathtime and bedtime. She is
jealous of Tay, who seems to have no such rules to follow. One night E escapes
from her bedroom window to go play with Tay. She finds Tay in a shed near the
playground, and Tay seems frightened at E’s arrival. Shortly afterward, E’s
grandparents find them and take both girls home, where they feed and bath Tay.
I think you
did a wonderful job portraying the two girls, particularly E’s childish
innocence and incomprehension of Tay’s situation. The child perspective is
often difficult to pull off, but I think you manage it. However, I am a little
uncertain about Tay’s life. Is Tay homeless? Or is she hiding in the shed to
avoid an abusive parent? Her parents are briefly mentioned on page two: “Her
mother was never around to tell her what to do. Her stepfather worked the night
shift, so she could stay up as late as she wanted.” If she does have parents,
then she would have a house, and unless she feared abuse from her parents, she
would probably be inside. However, there is no suggestion that Tay has been beaten,
as she does not have any bruises. Secondly, if she is homeless, then I feel
like E would not have found her so easily. Tay could have wandered anywhere,
and E just happens to find her in the backyard of a house she believes belongs
to Tay. Perhaps this confusion can be cleared up if a dialogue between Tay and
E is added while on the playground. If Tay is homeless and ashamed of it, she
might tell E that she lives in the house near the playground to make herself
seem more normal. Or, if she has abusive parents, maybe E could notice bruises
in suspicious places, though think that they came from playing sports.
One last
question: Why is E simply named E? I would like to see a name for the main
character, rather than just an initial. Finally, it would also be helpful to
know that Ba Ba and Dee Dee are her grandparents from the moment they’re
introduced. At first I thought they were siblings and then parents before I
figured it out.
Overall, an
enjoyable story! Great job!
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