Sunday, November 25, 2012

"Raw Deal" Workshop


The story is about two people, Micah and Emma, who meet at a house party and become partners in drug dealing. They sell to many different people: rehab patients, college students, cops, and Native Americans. One day while selling at a powwow, a Native American man tells them they’re ruining the community and slaps Emma. The conflict shakes Emma, and she quickly packs up. Three days later, when Micah goes looking for her after having not heard from her, he finds her dead body in a stream.
            I like the relationship between Emma and Micah, and because of this, I wish more time had been spent on developing their relationship. Perhaps emphasizing their experiences while selling over the people they sell to would help to flesh out their relationship. You might also consider starting the story after they’ve become friends. That way you have more time to develop a connection between them.
            On another note, I’m a bit confused about the end. Is the Native American man her killer? I found Emma’s murder to be rather sudden, yet she seems particularly unnerved after the Native American slaps her. Has she had a confrontation with him before? Perhaps consider adding a little more explanation about this.

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